here a twit, there a twit

So, there's this person. And this person commented on a vid made by a sister. And this person was rude and condescending, she implied that making the video was an evil act and mocked my friend. When a few of us responded to her nonsense, she took it upon herself to send each of us a copy of this huge email she wrote, replying to our comments.
I had thought I had gotten to the point on the 'tube that the opinions of strangers about me really have no effect on me. They're strangers. Why should I care? But this--I guess it was how she talked to my sisters that really angered me. Mocking, condescending, strutting about using her vocabulary as if she were trying to convince us(and herself) how amazingly intelligent she is and also trying to prove(with links) how so much more physically beautiful she is than any of us. Did any of US do MODELING?? As if we really cared, for heaven's sake. And also, quoting her husband as if he were a messenger of God, and that we should swoon at his feet as she undoubtedly dose. I wonder what will happen when she realizes he's human? His O-so-wise-words regarding us and our spirituality was SO off the mark, it was pathetic. So much for his credibility.
She so spoke out of turn and was so damn insulting to my mahre that I admit, I was offended. Very offended. Want to write a scathing response and push her face into it offended.
I wonder what the MGs think about it? Would they say--okay Lynn, calm down, who cares what this loudmouth says? She's a bimbo. A moron.
Yes true. But I still really, really want to shove her face into it!

Ahhhh, that felt gooooood.

Stars on thars

So, I've been thinking about and missing Malene a lot lately, so what do I see in my tea cup yesterday? Uh huh. You guessed it. No I didn't take a picture of it. Sometimes, it is just best to keep it in my mind. :) In fact, to be honest, I saw a smiley in two tea cups. You see I make my tea in one cup, to get the amount of water just right, and brew it. Then when I want to use my big blueberry cup, I just pour it in. Otherwise, it never comes out right. So when I came back to make a second cup of tea, I used both cups and there was one in each. And just to clue you in on how lame I am at trusting what I see and trusting it actually *means* something, I wanted even *more* of a sign that it was her, know what I mean? I even apologize to the air---sorry I am so lame! And sorry I miss you, it's selfish.

So this morning, after not getting hardly any sleep and after being under the weather for about a week, plus taking care of my kids who were out ; one all week, one two days, from school with a donw andout virus, and my husband who hasn't been healthy since October 2nd, and has really been sick for two weeks off and on and --am I distracted? NNOOOOOooooo.

Where was I??

Oh yeah, this morning. I went out into the kitchen and started stacking the dirty dishes. I picked up my coffee cup from yesterday(yes coffee cup, I had that AND tea), and glanced in it and there was this star on the bottom, formed from the bit of coffee. Hey cool, a pentagram, I thought in a daze. Looked closer, no, too many points. Hmmm, the star like the mahre use? I counted thepoints (Now don't laugh. I said I was out of it) Oh six. Nooo, that's not right, theirs has more than that. Sure a pretty star though . . .

Meanwhile, hours and hours later . . .I actually went to a few channels to see if anyone was around, see what was up and I eventually noticed the amount of points on the star on the pages.

Oookaaayyy. Something trying to tell me someone? Just call me Miss delerious. I sure hope I sleep through the night. Part of it was my fault, last night. I wear a CPAP mask at night for sleep apnea and you know? I am SICK of it and just couldn't get myself to put it on. So naturally, my body, needing to breath, silly it, woke me up so many times until I finally got the darn mask on. And I was just relaxing, falling to sleep when I heard a plaintive soft cry: "mmmoooommmmyyyy??"
I did get to sleep finally.

Just going through a difficult time on so many levels I'm surprised my brain hasn't imploded. But hey! I am amazon woman!

To mie mahre that I wrote emails to, I sincerely hope that they weren't as scrambled as my brain was when I wrote them. And I also hope I'm not as big a pain in the ass as I fear I am. I really don't want to complicate your lives, and I'm sorry that I have.

On a lighter note I am trying to get together some more recent pictures of me and my family to send out to you. :)

Brain is fading, gotta quit blogging and go bedding.

If there is a blank post below this, just ignore it. Was feeling bad the other night, needed some attention. Ack. Time to erase!!

I have been doing much musing and meandering, yet have not been able to express it in words.

A big hello and hug to all mahre, Mukveh, Sireii, otherwise. Like I said, a lot going on in the deep recesses of my fevered brain---Bwahahahahahaaaaaaaaa

Oops.

Excuse me(Back beast! Back I say!!!!!!!!!!!)

*ahem*

Anyway. A lot going on in my mind, but having difficulty expressing it. Just want to say I cherish each and every one of you (even Cee) and appreciate all the recipes for mashed animal brains. (Those who don't know, just kidding on that last part!!)

Life is sleepy, but good.
Talk to you all soon.
Can't wait for June.

ghaven sirrn mie mahr, sukvha heyr.

Miss you mie mahre. Hope to hear from you soon. Hope all is well.
xxxooo

Where oh where would my teachers be?
Who will teach more Manfahi to me?
Brave ones, daring ones
are all sisters mine
They're gonna need it
to brave this rhyme.
Not to mention, giving language classes
To one whose language-learning
is as slow as molasses.

Hey mie mahre,

Been awhile since last I wrote out musings. I'm feeling better about things. :) Still want to do "it". Think I will in a few years down the road, when the kids are older and less vulnerable.

Soooo, mie mahre, who wants this blog to become private?? I'm hip if you all would like that, and I'm okay with keeping it as is too. We can wait and see if YouTube gets too annoying.

Also, if any of you notice a comment by someone named "Mark", that would be my older brother. He'll be flitting in and out. He's good. No worries.

Summer is flying by over on this side of the world. It must be so weird celebrating the times of the year in the opposite season you are used to, those over in kiwi land.
I was going to post somemore photos, but I just realized how tired I am!! Grrrr. ah well, what can you do? Maybe I should get to bed *before* midnight.
Namr ir's te

Speaking of antelope :) . . .

Several times in our trip, as we were hurtling down the straight stretch of plains highway, the speed limit 75mph (WooHoo!!), we would go through an area where we would spot one prong horned antelope after another, sometimes a solitary one, most often in groups of two and three. Now have you ever tried to take a photograph out of the window of a moving vehicle? Its---uhhh---challenging.
I wanted a photo of a buck. I saw one or two out the driver's side window, looking past my husband, getting a brief glimpse of the antelope sitting in the grass, their black horns visible. So I readied myself and my camera to take photos out my side of the car and so began the joke. The fact is, every time I was ready to take a photo, *every single buck* was out the *driver's* side! It got to be really funny after awhile. I tried and got a couple pics of antelope--all does--and called it a day. I figured, next time.
When "next time" came about, would you just know it but it started up all over again? And in addition to the Bucks picking on me, everytime I put my camera away, groups started to appear out MY side!
Good news is I got a couple pics, and in fact a Buck in Yellowstone made up for all the rest. :)

This was the most antelope I had ever seen in my life, more than all the trips out into the plains put together. They are so beautiful


If you click on the photo, any photo, it will open it up nice and big on a new page. :)

So I've made my choice. For now, due to more risks to those I love than I had first been aware of, I have postponed the "activity". Before I knew that it was a requirement, I had already chosen to wait, but then when I found out what had to be done to be with who I wished to be with---well, I had to think through much more than before.
Have you ever wanted something for years and years, so badly that it is like a small contained void in your heart and spirit, as you are waiting, searching,looking. Finally, when you had mostly come to the conclusion that it does not exist in this reality, you find it does. But then it as if the universe holds out the sought for goal, my heart's desire, and then pulls it away at the last moment, thumbing its nose at me.
I know that it isn't really like that, that our maker is watching out for me, and there is great love there. But I have been so heartsick since May 1st, and this is not helping.
I am grateful for such a blessed trip, we saw SO much beauty, it actually wore us out! I kid you not. That was very good for the soul. :)
I am also grateful for any and all support and prayers from the mahre. Please, if you can, write to me. It helps so much to know you are out there. I so wish I could link up with you.

I hope that this is only a postponement.
I know there are things that I wish to work on.; Defenses, opening up that "eye", teaching the kids. I know that some of what I am feeling right now is exaggerated by depression, and I am trying to relax and allow it to heal, so I can get back to a normal state. It's difficult because I feel so darn isolated.
Anyway, thanks for reading this, if anyone does.

Post has been removed by the management due to the lack of interest.

And now for something completely different.

The morning of June 25th, I woke up early as usual, and as usual had no idea why I was awake. There must be some reason this keeps happening. Anyhow, this is our second morning in Yellowstone. A great campsite, the Norris campground which is near to the Norris Geyser Basin, situated in the forest, with a rambling stream and meadow below. Picturesque, as is everything in the amazing bizarre place.
So here I was awake. The temperature made it up to 40F by 6am. Like yesterday, I decided to take advantage of this time up and look for wildlife to photograph. Early morning and evening is a good time to see animals. An owl was still warbling off in the distance.
Running next to our site to the back is a path that leads to a small amphitheater on the hillside overlooking the meadow and stream, and eventually if you stay on the path it will take you to a trail that leads down to the stream. I thought that would be a perfect place to go picture hunting.
I glanced at the tent as I walked by, making sure the kids were still asleep, and took the shortcut through the back of our site.
I looked about as I walked, wondering if I'd see the mule deer again. Nice cool morning. I stopped for a moment a step away from the path. I thought I had seen something moving in the trees across the path from me. I studied the spot and noticed tendrils of mist weaving through the undergrowth. I was about to walk forward, but something seemed not quite right. A few feet to the left of the mist I saw a large patch of inky black a few feet above the ground, in between the trees, just above a bush. I froze. I had the impression of shagginess and for the first half second thought it was a black bear. But in the next split second as I completely focused on the shape, I had a bit of a shock. An eye stared straight into mine. My sight sharpened further and I saw above the eye a sharp curved horn.
A bison! Right there in front of me! And I knew I was not the recommended 50 yards away from him. More like ten feet away!
He stood there, placidly chewing, watching me.
Oh dear.
I backed up very slowleee. I said, "sorry to disturb you." I turned around and carefully walked back through our site. I noted how close he was to our spot and to the tent where my kids slept.
After reaching a safe distance I watched him and took a couple pictures. Matt was snoozing in the car and I told him about the bison. Still wanting to take my walk down the stream trail, I checked tosee if the coast was clear. No luck. Still there. I walked to the nearby site and watched him. The bison began to move through the trees, walking paralell to me. Then he walked up onto the path itself! He walked to the trail I had wanted to take. I could feel his hooves hitting the earth through my feet and he blew out his breath, snorted, huffed, sounding like a huge bear-bison. All I could think was Wow. Talk about impressive and indtimidating. What a huge animal! Thank goodness he was in a good mood. He walked down the trail and out of sight. So much for my walk!















I decide to take pictures of nice, pretty wildflowers instead.

It's June 21st, lunchtime. We have just finished traveling through a steep section of the Black Hills. Kids are amazed at the sight, having never seen Mountains before. Wait until we go through the Rockies. :) We visited Rushmore and then Crazy Horse, the sun is hot and I am beat tired.
We ended up in a small town called Keystone, tucked away in a steep canyon. Kinda tourist-trappy. We are all very hungry, but it is so crowded on the main stretch. We hunt about and finally head back up out of town to a restaurant we had noticed on up the slope a bit, past the tunnel. Called The Powder House. We pull into the parking lot and find a slot immediately, turning off the car. As we prepared to get out, my oldest looked up and exclaimed "Smiley Face! Look!"
A playground was in front of us on a slope. And there it was, just there, not having to be searched for, the real thing, right in front of our car.
Everyone agreed that we must have picked the right spot for lunch. It was a great meal. :)

And here's the first one. I think it looks like I am being winked at.

Oh and Cee? No nice young men in white jackets please.

First day of the trip, as we ate lunch by the Mississippi. There were two cloud forms in rapid succession. I think this one stands out a bit more. The kids saw it too.

Yup, we have returned. I'll be writing about it here and there as soon as I can wrap my mind around all the beauty we experienced. This was a trip so blessed.

It hit me today. When was the last time I saw Mountains? Real Mountains!? Oh, too long, far too long. I've been so busy packing, the kids clothes, coats, sleeping stuff, house-ie;tent, kitchen stuff, snack treasure trove, buying life sustaining supplies like hamhocks and guitar strings---oops, no, that's Yukon Cornelius---life sustaining supplies of chocolate, marshmellows and graham crackers.
;), books, emptying cameras and charging batteries, taking the dogs to their favorite place to stay. adopting a new guinea pig on top of everything else and I really, REALLY ought to get some clothes packed for me too!----so busy that I really haven't had a moment just to realize what it about to happen and let it all soak in.
I also utterly forgot my Mom's b-day(She understood. She's been thru this too)and I remember my brother's birthday when it arrived a few days later(which is how I realized I had forgotten my moms), but I haven't called him or anything. **SIGH**
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! if you are reading this at all.

But I digress.

I am going to see Mountains! REAL mountains! And the kids will be seeing them for the first time.

Gotta go pack some clothes. For me.

Sagik namis ate mie mahre, cuille ank mahr heyr

(not sure if I got that right)

So who volunteers to teach me more manfahi? Can I see a show of hands? Uh, someone? (The sound of crickets chirping)

Buggy Messenger and Smiley ants

I am highly annoyed with Messenger--finally get to talk to a few of my mahre in REAL time and what happens?? Darn thing keeps glitching. In weird ways too, giving Shae a new font, font color and in the end it decided that a close up of a leaf icon would suite her best. And it kept kicking Ciara out of the conversation. Temperamental dohickey. . . grumble. bitch, whine.
Actually it is kind of humorous looking back at it.

I don't know if something I was trying to send ever came through so I am going to write about it here! Where it is mostly stable!!

Now you all know about the log smiling at me, true? So the other day, I was out on the patio doing some stretches while the dogs were doing some---well, other things,---and I looked down as I touched my toes and what do I see? This time it is an ant hill. Smiling at me. One of those small hills they make. Deep, deep into the sand of it were two holes for eyes, and a nicely curved line for the smile. It had been raining you see, and the deck above had sent down some drops of water and---there you go. Ant hill smiley face.
I called the dogs in and went to get my camera. I remember thinking, it may not be there when I get back and if it isn't, that's okay. It's meant to be. And it wasn't. But I took a photo with my mind. :)

Ack.

I was on another computer and googled "Musings and Meanderings" thinking I would find my blog, because that is such an original name, right? Wrong!! There are SO many out there with that title it is nuts!
Geeeezzzzz, just when I thought I was being so unique . . . grumble, grumble.

As I mentioned before, some of the pictures on the video for Malene have stories behind them; they are recent, taken after she left us. I'm going to start with one that happened last week on the 11th. Some of you know from my other slide shows that there is a small woods within five min. walking distance from my house. I really like it there. It is actually an official park, set down the road far from the clustered buildings of the village proper. We live in the township. It has a few tended paths winding through the trees and wildflowers, and they have had to cut down quite a few dead trees of late, so there are many stumps and logs to sit on along with wooden benches donated by various area families. It is not heavily used and I like it that way.

I took a walk there on the 11th, with my soon-to-be-broken camera. I was feeling very heartsick about Malene and thought a walk in the woods would be good for me, plus taking photos which often puts me in a meditative-like state. So I wandered about the paths for awhile and then felt really tired. I looked for a bench, but every single one was too sunlit and too warm. Finally I found a nice reliable log and sat, with my camera and my thoughts and I felt just awful. My heart hurt and I felt very alone, not the good kind of aloneness, the lonely kind.

I sat there for quite awhile. There were tears. With my finger I drew /|\ in the dirt beside my log. It just seemed like it would help me not miss her so much. I sat for longer still, listening and looking at the trees and plants, the play of sunlight. Finally it was time to go, I needed to go back home. I readied myself to stand and as I did so, I looked across the path, my eyes drawn immediately to one spot. I stopped and stared. It was a log. And the darn thing was smiling at me!! There was a smiley face! On the log! Not drawn on, not a sticker, but part of the log itself.
I sat utterly still, staring and then I began to smile. "Yeah, yeah, I know," I said outloud. "I'm trying." And I actually laughed. I mean, come on! A log? With a smiley face!? Like the ones in our emails?
I sat and took a few photos of it, sat a bit more, and then I left for home. Hoping the pictures of the log would show what I had seen. And---thank heavens---they did. See for yourself. :)















Oh, one last thing--the rune I drew in the ground was pointing directly, and I do mean directly at it.

Missed one mahre. :)

Thank you all---one more line tho: Ta na mein rydd dan ank rie'e seyr. I've seen most of these words before, but the only one I know is "ank" which I believe means the equilvelent of "and" And I think "ta" is some kind of qualifier? And "dan" means "for" or "to" ? Maybe?? (And I thought English was hard . . .)

A note to my mahre--there are a few phrases in my comments that need translating if one of you could be so kind. Thanks all. Write when you can, k?

Beautiful Sunday

This is from the State Park I mentioned earlier, where my son and his troop camped. We traveled to there on Sunday. Beautiful huge place, full of small hills and nooks and crannies, marshes and forests, and the waterfall. The boys heard coyotes singing at night, talking from bluff to bluff, chorusing. Also a very persistent whippoorwill started singing at 3am from a close by tree.
I took quite a few photos with my new camera. We couldn't stay for long, only an hour. I could have spent hours just at the falls alone. It was a good place for the soul.

Been a difficult afternoon/evening. It was a good day overall, did some special things with my family, but then the feeling of loss hit sudden and sharp and I can't seem to shake it. Well, okay, it isn't as bad as it was an hour ago, so I suppose I am recovering. Two dozen tissues later . . .
Tomorrow we'll be off to a state park to pick up my oldest who is at a Boy Scout camp-out, and from there go to a cook out at my husband's boss's cabin. Ought to be fun. I'll be taking my camera of course! Did I tell anyone that my camera died at the beginning of the week? And that I got a new one, a refurbished Canon, and that it only took 24 hours to arrive in the mail. My need for it was great, it is helping me cope, and so for it to arrive like that . . .well . . .
Soon as I feel up to it I have a story to share about one of the images in the vid. :)

Love to all--ghaven mie mahre, te han.

Qi mahre,

I uploaded the video onto Youtube today. Came out nice.

I never thought I would end up creating a blog. And it is all Jen's fault!! Thank you sista. :) Good idea.

Okay, I'm going to try and upload the video now. I hope you like it. Don't worry if parts of it make you smile, it's suppose to.


I hope it can download to your pc's to see it on full screen. Please let me know if you can't so I can try something else. All the photos are mine.